haiiz....~

haiiz... i just came back dinner with my boy friend at ujong pasir mamak... quite bloated rite now.. hmm... he told me about his family financial problem... im quite pity for him.. really sad.. i really wanted to help him... i feel so helpless... he told me that.. if possible..,may be he wana work part time.. some sort like selling thgs...direct sales thgy. . he wana make his mummy's burden lesser.. haiiz.. i really wanted to help him out.. my hearts seems like uncomfy.. feel like crying out..
my family..also had a huge financial problem.. i'm a different person from last time.. especially last year started... i used to came from a rich familyz.. what i want..i sure can get it.. but for now.. its sometimes impossible.. my mum even don't encourage me to further my studies.. she said my studies are moderate.. so.. its a waste of time studying... she said..i should go look for job and learn a skill such as bakery thgy.. haiiz.. i'm not ready for the outside world...not ready with a SPM cert.. SPM cert is just not enough for me.. i wanted to further my studies.. i cried alotz coz of this problemz..unexpected.. i tell myself to be strong...not to do stoopid thgy..such as commite suicide.. last few months back..,i was so stress about this financial n study thgy..till i smoke..i smoked 4 cigarettes non-stop.. but i didn't addicted.. Actually last year.. my parents wanted to send me to singapore study... my dad had find a college for me to study accounting or designing.. but i refused to go...,coz the lifestyle n the education is very high.. i don't have confidence studying there.. plus,all my friends are in m'sia.. i don't want to study far apart from them.. Now..my familyz financial is even worst.. my dad and my mum had a BIG quarrel..,my dad didn't support the family already... haiiz..now left my mum supporting me n my sibblings n all the large sums of bills n loans.. i'm now working part time temperary..while waiting to enrol in my college.. i'm gonna work for a few months only.. haiiz.. really cant imagine my life had changed alotz.. just a sudden. some of my friends don't even believe i've financial problem..,coz they said.. i'm staying in a big big house...n mum's got nice car.. etc.